Well I guess it's finally time that I post something new to here, since it's been so long. There has been much that changed over the course of 4 months yet still a lot stayed the same.
My First Goal
So the first major milestone in my journey was reached a couple weeks back. I finally passed the 50 pounds lost this year mark; that makes 70 pounds total lost. It's really refreshing to know that all my hard work has been showing such great results and it's made me want to push myself even further to see just how far I can go. While this project was initially to lose 100 pounds in two years it appears I'm going to hit that much, much sooner if I keep up on my current progress.
As such, I've decided I should reach higher, extend my goals and really challenge myself to go the extra mile. While I haven't thought of a new name for this project of mine (to be honest the initial Project100 name is unoriginal and boring) I don't think it matters too much at this point. My goal is now going to be to lose 130 pounds in two years time. This will put me at an even 180 pounds by the end of next year if I were to hit that goal. It's something I think I can do at this point and I really want to hit that mark. Everyone has been so supportive and I don't want to let them down. I really want to show everyone how thankful I am for all their kind words and encouragement. It's impossible to express just how much it means to me and how much it keeps me motivated, but believe me I wouldn't have progressed this far without them.
Dieting Changes
Overall my diet really hasn't changed much. I went ahead and cut my calories per day to around 1700-1800 a day and started to vary up my meals. After I had gotten slightly tired of the same sandwiches every day I started to look for alternatives for lunch. I've also been focusing on getting more protein into my diet to help with the muscle building; more meat is always a good idea.
But that's basically the only difference. I'm still calorie counting every day and formulating new strategies for how to correctly intake the correct amount of nutrition; that keeps me busy all day long.
The Gym
So first things first, what happened with the Gym. It's funny because things went much better than I thought they would. I went ahead and got a trainer thinking that we would do three sessions to get some basics and then I would be on my own. Problem is I didn't realize how much I would like working out with a trainer. His name is Mitchell and currently works at the 24 hour fitness is Hermosa Beach if anyone is interested. He's honestly so much better than anything I could have imagined. He's so full of information and motivation that I almost feel as though he'd be a cool guy to hang out with, even if we have so little in common. Often times we'll just be working out normally having a conversation, and I forget I'm even paying him to be there. It's a little sad when I think about it that way and the fact that one day he won't be with me, almost as if I've gotten attached to him. But he keeps me on track and motivated enough that I don't want to let him down; I want to show him progress and work harder to meet his expectations.
It's been four, almost five months since I signed up with him and I'm still going strong. I've learned a lot while I've been with him and every day has been a challenge. It is an expensive extra burden that I've put on myself, both in time investment and financially, yet I feel it's the best thing I've ever decided to do with myself. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to keep going to him but for now I'm just enjoying it as part of my everyday routine. And the biggest benefit is the results. They really are impressive, even if everyone else can't see.
The Unforeseen Problem
It does sadden me that while everyone else can see the results of my weight loss they really can't see the extra muscle and work that I've been putting in. Of course I could go around and flex to show off my muscle but it just doesn't seem right. Our society is built in such a way that boasting about achievements is frowned upon and it's really painful once you have something you really want to show off. I've worked so hard and the appearance of muscle is so impressive relative to how I was yet I've not been able to show a single person. I've almost been dying for someone to ask to see just so I can finally show off, while at the same time I somewhat want to wait till I get more visible results and people see them naturally.
It's the weirdest, unexpected conundrum that I've ever been faced with. I think about my weight loss and muscle building so much that at times it's hard for me to have regular conversations with people. Because of how much of my life is absorbed by the countless data tracking and changes involved in my journey my mind can only think of that one thing. Obviously I don't want to boast too much or force people to listen to me ramble on about the same thing all the time so I try not to bring it up. It's an odd balance between humbleness and insanity; I so much want to talk about stuff that's going on, my progress, and show off that it makes me insane yet I have to force myself to be humble and stop myself.
The reason I talk about all of this is really to give another aspect of weight loss that many people, including myself, normally do not expect to happen. Losing weight and all the changes that go with it really causes a psychological deviation strong enough to force a person to have to reevaluate what's important to them and their social interactions. While most of the changes have been pleasant during my journey this is really a hard one to cope with. I've always been somewhat socially awkward in the past and now it's forcing me to have to face things I didn't think I was ready for.
Overall I think this experience is going to help shape me into a better person but I still feel as though I don't want to lose myself in the process. I was never one to hate myself while I was overweight and I still look back on it as a critical learning exercise that makes me who am I am today, yet I find myself wondering how much different my life would be like had I done this a long time ago. Would I be even more prideful to the point of obnoxiousness or would I still be me? Would I have had such great friends who like me for who I am or would I have shunned them aside by the person I would have become? Never will I want to change who I was and the fact that I was overweight, all of that is a part of who I am, and it's given experiences in life that would fundamentally change who I am if I didn't have them.
That being said, this post has already gone longer a much more off topic than I wanted it to go, but it's something I wanted to do since it gives a different insight of weight loss that most people won't experience, and many people don't know about. The next post I do here will hopefully have updates stats and more detail of my actual progress, so look forward to it.
I can't think everyone enough for all the support that they've given me. I'll do my best to live up to your expectations.
